Here is my long awaited travel log from my lonely travel to well known New York City- to take part of life as New York citizen. I wasn't doing travel as a "tourist" or interested in going to commercial areas of New York- but to let myself to be soaked in large city-ish jungle. My biggest goal was very deeply personal one, very strange and unusual goal- was The Bronx.
Six months ago, when I had moment in my life where I was unsure what to do in my life pathway. On that dull day I dreamt about very rusty, shady, ghetto areas such like Camden and outsides of Los Angeles. I had very strange visions in dream about "that place", then I learned what I was dreaming was kind of omen in my life.
My heart was full of desire to see the twilight of ghetto areas more than any other "beautiful" places which human could pick. I really thought something was wrong with me.
Many months later, the whole university aided me to fulfill my goal where on that moment I stood in the streets of real The Bronx where I only had it in my dreams and vision. That was kind of beautiful dream. That wasn't Bronx or place itself, but a sign granted by life to teach me how it's important to follow the dreams and how small dreams/goals are important for us to learn fulfilling our main goals.
That was part of my deep, personal lonely travel, where I stood as a Brooklyn girl in the front of the grand city. I'm more nature person, I was always scared of grand cities such like Tokyo, NYC and so on but the experience there made me fall in love in that city. I've been couple times in NYC, however I never been soaked in real life of NYC.
And that experience has changed me, and here Brooklyn's neighborhood blonde girl starts adventure.
Jungle-ish outskirts of wild Florida areas at the dawn where I headed from there up to the North of Eastbounds.
Airports have been always my most favourite moments of my travels and life in general.
While leaving from my hometown, bidding farewell to my families, my close people and friends - being in airport is that I am not in anyone's "hands" and nature of my comfort zone. Airport is like a neutral portal in between of worlds. This place shows that here is only you- you face with yourself… and here you have personal meeting with yourself, conforting, exploring who are you really.
Also it's place of your own real feelings and thoughts.
And here human finally realizes is all alone- regardless how many friends, fans and close people he has. People terribly fear the loneliness and being alone, the force to find friends, to be with people, be accepted, get in unhealthy relationships just to be with someone and even are ready to take lots of wrong activities (destructive for themselves) to be just accepted in society. Or at least to have a photo on facebook to show that is with pack of friends. But just to think… in face we are already alone. Because our friends will still leave us, our closest ones may pass away at some point of life, everyone's lives change and pathways constantly change… we have to accept naturally our loneliness.
Every one of us.
But in fact we are NOT completely alone, we are all the time with our inner-self "me".
This our "I" is all the time joining with us, exchanges thoughts, feelings, impressions with us and it's undoubtly our the best friend. Just you need to feel true your inner self friend. Once we become friends with our lonely inner self "me", we learn fully to accept loneliness and are becoming better friends to other people.
That's what I've did.
I stopped crawling in stress and fear of being lonely and not accepted by others.
That's where on my very first lonely travels into unknown I learned accepting my loneliness and it was on airports.
On the airport, walking into dirty restroom used by lots of tired travelling people, I stood to wash my hands and face. I looked on myself on mirror and I said to myself: "I finally fulfilled my dreams".
By looking on my face- look, that's my real self. That's me, a stubborn little fragile soul who fought and poured lots of tears for my dreams. I fought for my dreams, worked for them hardly where before I suffered a lot physically and emotionally for this.
My dreams came true.
Every time airports remind me appreciating life and who I am. Many years ago I was a teenager and that's where was my very first lonely travel where I threw myself into unknown- it was New York. And here I've returned from my personal travel to NYC - as my point in my life of my past which had great influence on my life and who I've became.
I caught the most affordable flight from JAX to Charlotte where I spent many hour layover. Lots of people hate stops, but I like. They are almost like a free trip to another city.
Landing to La Guardia's airport, known as one of oldest NY airports. It's probably the ugliest airport I've seen so far yet very climatic. The screens were totally out-dated, not in our age. They were one bit color! Typical smelling with odor and dirty longue of fast foods which was kind of "unique attraction".
I lived at newspapers redactor's apartment in Brooklyn and that's where I became a Brooklyn lady.
I very adore horror-movies (like Saw) alike design of Subway in New York!
Typical streets of impressive Manhattan. The feeling of being surrounded by majestic buildings is very impressive where no photos or imagination can express the power of Manhattan.
As being fan of Legend of Zelda series, I couldn't resist to admire famous collection here ;)
Love yourself!
Lots of people not positively take or understand the meaning of loving yourself, they treat it as fear of being egoistic. Unfortunately, our values in our world are threw on us that love to yourself is something negative, self-centered , egoistic and we should sacrife and love what is outside of us (like parents deserve love more than we) firstly. And we take the last place in our lives.
We got raised in society that the most important is to be accepted by society and granting liking to yourself will be taken as narcissm by society.
However the truth is different. It's only because that style of life threw at us that we aren't important, it's more important to love others, things, material items and sacrife ourselves for our civilization and technology growth- not as "wrong" meaning of psychological aspect in people's relationships.
The difference between narcistic loving yourself (that negative one) and natural love is:
"I am the best, other aren't that worthy, I deserve for the most, I'm prettier than others, I'm better than others and if someone is better than me- they don't deserve it" and natural one "I am awesome, I think I'm unique, I like myself who I am, I think I can do that, I believe in myself and other people are really awesome and every one is unique on their own type, always interesting and worthy to meet, I think my friends are awesome, I think that girl is very beautiful (she has amazing style, great, inspiring and prettier than I am but still, regardless: I like who I am ) and I think I'm unique like every person, no one is better than me also not worse than me- everyone has own unique life story" - as you see, difference is with narciss is elitist, awakens negative feelings, full of competitions, disrespecful to others and in natural one is that once we respect and love ourselves, we are able to respect and love others much better, we inspire and get inspired by others to improve upon, open to everyone and we are peaceful by respecting others.
Natural self love brings positive feeling of being inspired, while narcistic self love awakens negative emotion of jeaously.
And as how it's said… a human will learn to love and respect others once he will start from himself… how you can respect others while you cannot respect yourself and who are you, since lots of self negative emotions are in rage in youself?
That's why I love these stickers :)
I couldn't resist by getting amused of misspellings in Polish. Przenicsiony i micjsce. :)
Times Square- the most commercial place of New York. Just I took a few shots "by the way". Mega and mega tourist place!
My station :)
Japan inspiration?
And so. he waits...
Latino's district.
Great ad to brighten up dark districts of NYC!
I cannot get amazed of falling apart and rusty areas of Subway.
This yellow man's face is seriously unhappy of the crowd.
New York's real life. I was very touched by the story and musical talent of that kid.
- "Is it deliciouusss?"
- "Oh yes, ma'am!"
Wine tasting bazaar.
The first sight of The Bronx.
I've learned that in New York every station has it's own story and law- which is a complete opposite to Warsaw's one, where subway (metro) stations are extremely safe, secured and have one law ruling there- Metro of Warsaw. And in that city… every station has it's own law, controlled by local people here.
I always thought by going to The Bronx the safest way would be if I kept myself close to train stations, however it's not true, I could set myself as easy victim of local areas…
Also, it's said to ride on train above the platform is amazing than underground however, most above-the- ground- platforms are located in less pleasant districts.
Here is shortened small story experiencing my trip upwards.
Before travelling upwards to The Bronx (correction: South Bronx) I did lots of research. Once I told my redactor that I am planning to head up to The Bronx, for a moment in her eyes whole world has frozen.
- "If you were my daughter, I wouldn't let you to go".
Travel to legendary ghetto areas was a great test about myself, who I am - how many times I thought I am so brave, and courageous and being here in real life totally flipped me out. And not that one which I had in my mind. That was a fake truth I had in my mind "who I am" before having it in real practice. I discovered how weaker I am, yet, real life events are for to improve ourselves.
I went onto subway train. What bothered me for the most was that I am completely, scandinavian white person since what I heard from my friend from Bronx:
-" theoritically I could tell you completely safe areas to roam in Bronx, however, because you're white, unfortunately I cannot tell you any safe areas due to high race intolerance."
I took a green line to uptown,through Harlem to the first stop of The Bronx- Grand Concourse. Street no. 60… 80… 100… (in New York, the streets are counted upward by numbers, usually from 100th street change environment up to the Bronx).
Emotions of excitement, fear, impatience, being unsure were crazy in myself and it felt like time has stopped during train ride upwards.
It felt like watching a movie.
I was in Harlem and just 10 mins left to be on another side of the bridge- to that place where I saw in my visions.
People and environment has suddenly changed, no white person was left in trains and stations. (INFO: It has nothing with racism, I am absolutely wonderfully tolerant to any race but about how people from that regions view us, unfortunately due to negative stereotypes and a gap between dark skinned people and white ones) I was a tiny white dot blended with all dark skinned people. Everyone threw dirty stares at me.
I felt so uncomfortable and started panicking at myself, especially after a pair of latinos has pushed me away from the spot where I was standing.
That was expected and I started getting in panick fury in myself, regretting of coming here and I should have stayed safely at home.However outside of myself I kept my blood cold, calm and I was all "mind your own business", like I were one of them and used to that kind of lifestyle.
I was hesistating to return back, although I wasn't in Bronx yet. I decided that I should…. o, shit!The door of trains has shut down!
"Next station: Grand Concourse"
And so people has immediately changed. Like I were in different world. Earlier I were among the whites ones, black, yellow and mixed with many other races, sitting peacefully, reading newspapers, minding own business, happy, singing and lots of beloved couples and… here was different world. Those people belong to upper world, and… it was amazing.
I've came to my mind, no one is worse than people from Manhattan.
I'll never forget a view when my train left from black pitch undergrounds to platforms above the ground- and there I had view of the Bronx- bathing in a twilight. Project housings were bathed by intense orange light of the sun where the rest of ground was dipped in ocean of dark blue shadows. Rusty corners of constructions were reflected beautifully like copper by sunset. Grafittis were like glowing runes on tombs.
Returning to Grand Concourse, to catch express train back to Manhattan, I've got spot by pack of guys who tried to pick up on me. I felt that I'll get in trouble, but I kept my head cool, ignore them and walk in boring way like "I'm busy, don't fucking bother me" and finally I got released by the grasp of creeps. I've learned, it's easy to be safe as long as you know how to behave.
While waiting on my train, I saw young guys playing a small rap musical on station. I couldn't get resist to get a photo shot of them by "hide-and-take-photo".
One of them noticed me and walked to me in front. "O shit!" I thought.
In my thought I prepared myself to say farewell to my camera. Good bye, Nikon.
Yet, he stood next to me, pointed by finger on my camera (and my thoughts: what should I do?) and… he asked me if I could photograph them and have his email adress where to send. He'd be very happy if had nice photos of their band. I just froze… that was so beautiful!
I started photographing them, without any sharp stress in my body. Whole my stress and uncomfortable feeling has disappeared. All people were smiling on platform, and whole climate has changed. It was still The South Bronx as spoken by lots of people as dark place, but it was more… humane. A part of natural people's life, not as part of media which frightens about danger of this place all the time and how people are evil ther.
That was my very first experience of encountering twilight of The Bronx.
Later story has followed how I felt in people of that regions and found legendary photographer Chris Arnade of this area. Bronx deeply down wants to change. People especially . They want to change, they want a new , better life… but they can't. They cannot leave from that trap. They can't stop dealing with drugs, addictions and murders.
"There's some way in which we would prefer not to see very clearly the immense gifts and intelligence of some of the people who live in our most abject conditions. Maybe there are some things at work in deciding who gets to be society's winners and who gets to be society's losers that don't have to do with merit." - quote about the slums/ghetto areas by Katherine Boo."
As for answering question "is Bronx safe for us to visit/experience?" Obviously media really mis-interpretates in the most ways, but all I can tell in any area of the city you may get in danger, regardless if it is Bronx or center of Warsaw (extremely safe place). Look at unexpected major murder in safe area in Denver. I heard from lots of people who experienced being in Bronx wonderfully and with absolute no sign of danger/strange behaviors and some had very negative experience.
I'd compare the Bronx to jungle. Jungle has it's own natural law and rules, to confront with real jungle you must let yourself to be part of it. You need let yourself to soak in it and be part of it. Once you feel it, you are able to move through here.
Experience travelling upwards to The Bronx inspired me to write a story about unspoken legend.
And that's the view I've seen being above the platform in the Bronx- photo is not my courtesy. Belongs to the unknown photographer:
This is another story about "Unknown Indian" but I will write another time.
Above the ground platform... and very artistic APPLE tower.
Conductor settling in middle of train car. If anyone would want to travel at night or to Bronx, it's the best to sit in Conductor's car to boost up safety during unexpected situations.
...a'la New York style :]
